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After being so preoccupied with our children during their growing up and formative adolescent years, it’s hard for parents to let go when they leave home to further their studies abroad. Taken from my Facebook posting on 10 Sept 2018.

COPING WITH AN EMPTY NEST: A business associate told me his wife is having the “empty nest syndrome.” Their two grown kids had left for overseas studies at the same time, leaving the mum sad and lonely in their large abode. That reminds me of the time my entire family relocated to Australia when I moved to KL from Kuching to seek greener pastures 17 years ago. Initially, it was difficult to be away from familiar faces, and though I focussed on climbing the corporate ladder, I felt unwanted in a new place. So when children leave the family home, I can understand how mothers struggle with emptiness when their whole lives had revolved around the young ones. Fathers like myself would probably regret the many lost opportunities to be more involved in their children’s lives. Our kids will grow wings and leave the nest one day, but we hope they won’t forget their roots. Parents need to give them the reasons to stay when and if they come back.

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Betty Nuab: Good day to everyone here. For most parents, especially Asian parents, we all dread the day when our children ‘flew the nest’, for fear of loneliness. Mothers in particular, having gone through the years of nurturing, raising and taking care of their children’s needs from babies to teenagers, even adults, it’s a big transition when the kids finally become totally independent and mothers feel they are no longer needed. It’s worse when spouses are no longer around. Times like this, having close friends and families to give emotional support and be around, helps a lot to cope with the empty nest syndrome. It’s a part of life that has to happen as it did to our parents, then to us and to our children in future. But having said that, we will always miss the moments when we had all our kids with us, creating all those precious beautiful memories and if we can turn back time for a while, that’s where we want to go to. Have a nice holiday everyone.

Ong Shuh Chien:  I am sure children will be sorely missed when they are grown and spread their wings, especially to overseas, for greener pastures. However if we look from another angle, it may give reasons for parents to travel to places which they may never set their foot in just to visit their children. My late eldest paternal uncle who spoke no English once told me, many years back, he would not have dreamt of visiting English-speaking countries like Australia had it not because his 2nd married son decided to relocate the family to Melbourne.
Like my elderly relatives used to lament: Children look for parents when they are young. Parents look for children when they are old.
In today’s small-sized families parents will surely have mixed feelings when, one by one, their married children told them of the decision to migrate overseas for greener pastures. Asian parents with their married children staying in other states can still visit them and enjoy close family ties, playing with grandchildren.
In contrast, for elderly parents whose children have long migrated and settled, scattered in different parts of the world, they may find it physically taxing in terms of the lengthy flight time needed to sit in the plane and the costs involved to bond with all their grandkids. So family reunion of all family members to gather together will become rare and precious, involving much planning and organising by their children living overseas when their parents are too old to travel.
I feel it’s important for elderly parents to engage themselves in healthy activities for the good of their body and mind such that the empty-nest syndromes are hardly felt. Instead they will find lives are better lived and more meaningful as they walk towards the beautiful sunset. ❤
All said, wherever the children may be, the parents’ love will be like root binding all their children though living apart from one another.
It’s great to have Monday and Tuesday as holidays to drive away the blues of having to work on the 1st day of the week.
Happy day, my friends. 😁

Krizian Lim:  A beautiful poem written On Children by Kahlil Gibran and I always keep this in mind. I know one day children will spread their wings and fly. As much as I love to see them by my side, I know ultimately, the most important things to me is that they grow, happily and healthily. For that, I must learn to let go and be less depedent. We don’t want to be worried by them.

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable ”

Be the bow that is stable.

 

My other FB postings between 10 Sept 2018 and 16 Sept 2018:

 

11 Sept 2018

PARTNERSHIP IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE: Sheryl Tan and Jerry Loo said they were “intrigued” by my FB postings. They obviously don’t need business advice from me, as they could get plenty of that from Sheryl’s uncles, tycoons TS Vincent Tan of Berjaya and TS Danny Tan of Tropicana. They think I offer a “different perspective” of life. The married couple practised law in Singapore before returning to Malaysia to set up their own boutique legal firm. I’m, on the other hand, intrigued by how they cope being life and business partners at the same time. Sheryl says their common goal is to excel in their work, in order to take good care of the family, which includes 2 kids. I guess such couples get to plan their dreams together, every step of the way. And their children get to see them as absolute partners in more ways than one. I admire people like Sheryl and Jerry who can work closely together the whole day, only to go home to be with the same person. I believe such partners get to share their hopes and fears more openly, and there’s no need for any pretension.

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Jeffrey Cheah Kwet Hiong: Tan Sri’ Clement, your topic today is interesting but not really mind boggling or controversial!
Husbands and wives working together as well as partners are well too common!
I, being in this world as a being for more than three score and ten years and having worked as an employee, partnership in business, including self employed for an accumulated years of forty to fifty years have seen successful husbands and wives team, just to name a few, in the same industry as your goodself, eg HELP – the top 2 in that organization Paul Chan and his wife Kam Yoke, UCSI -Peter Ng and his wife, of course his wife was more behind the scene, but in the early days the wife was a formidable decision maker, then there is this my same “name-sake” Tan Sri Jeffrey Cheah and his wife Susan Cheah, last but not least TA Securities & TA Global – Tony Tiah and Alicia Tiah!
My personal observation is that these organizations whose partnership is built on husband & wife team appear to be stronger and able to weather storm and crisis!
Maybe, the saying is true “Behind every successful man is the woman! ”
I have also seen many successful accounting firms run by husbands and wives, medical practices operated by husbands and wives!
Well legal practice run by a husband and the wife is pretty common!
My facts can be verified and did not come from hearsay!

Khoo Kah Hin: The commitment is unconditional love allows space, freedom, time and choice. One takes the lead while the other gives the patience in leadership. Our eldest daughter/son-in-law together have this business partnership. Our son-in- law is a celebrity Chef. Their 2 teenage daughters are good swimmers. God bless all marriages that work.

Lee Lin Wang: My husband and I are both involved in our business and in our family life too. Grateful to have such journey together that allow us to support each other and to know each other better as we evolve. We are a team and together as one we learn. Conflicts of course but we learn to work through them listening to each other and taking advice from each other.

 

12 Sept 2018

HIS ROLE MODEL DIDN’T GIVE HIM A JOB: I was caught off guard when an interviewee told me I was his role model after I asked what his values and aspirations were. He said besides his own dad, I had through my writings and personal stories inspired him to never give up and made him believe he could do anything. He didn’t get the job with my Group, but if his persistence was genuine, he would do fine and be competitive out there. This incident makes me think hard about my own role models over the years. It appears I didn’t have any particular person that I’d idolised in every way. I think nobody is perfect in everything, but everyone is good at something. Whenever I see outstanding traits in a person, I’ll try to emulate those qualities, and the individual becomes my guiding light in that particular aspect. Who is your role model?

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Rohaty Majzub: A child should be surrounded by good role models who are “sucessful” in.life : in the family a sucessful engineer will encourage others to become one as well
A sucessful doctor inspires.most of the time others to emulate him
If a child is deprived of a good role model he will not have high aspirations as easily as the ones who bond with successful ones
Coming back at 2am in the morning drunk is not a good act thus not a model to begin with : looking at pornographic materials infront of children is immoral : To identify with someone he or she must be a person who inspires who have traits that are positive such as preserverance forward looking ambitious hard working honest empathy towards others; look at todays’ teenagers
Who are their role models
Some adore the film stars singers and artists : some adore political leaders or world leaders:Role models can be your parents in the family or your boss at work : they are the catalysts that encourage development and progress
A friend who left Msia to study ended up being attached to political movements and never returns home :What a tragedy and wastage!! BE GOOD YOURSELF BEFORE YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO BE GOOD.

Cornelius Lo: My understanding of role model is someone who is successful in any one particular field that we want to emulate. I admire quite a few souls, like Mother Theresa, Pope John Paul, and all those great preachers. I can only say I admire them; but role models? No lah…I failed to emulate anyone of them. Shame!

Emil Lee: Good evening and an awesome day to you Tan Sri Clement and also to all my forum mates herein. In my opinion even if you are a role model to your interviewee you do not owe him or her a living. As an interviewee you will need to impress the interviewer with your proven capablities and what you can contribute to make the company move forward. If one can prove to the interviewer that one can produce a three persons worth of productivity, this particular ability has to be a proven track record, I am certain whoever interviews you will definitely consider you for a job. It is a value for money society we are living in.🤠🤠🤠

 

13 Sept 2018

BE PREPARED, BUT DON’T OVER-PREPARE: It was an incident I would rather forget, and it happened many years ago anyway. The organisers of a charity function asked me as a donor “to say a few words.” Caught by surprise, I remember giving a talk that was very disorganised, lifeless and too long. I’ve learnt since then that the motto “be prepared” isn’t just for scouts. Corporate figures can be expected to speak in public, and coming up with something “on the spot” may end up with some incoherent ramblings. Our audience are also busy people. We need to convince them what we tell them is important. I won’t prepare a speech in full, but I would jot down the key points in a proper sequence and try to elaborate on them in a structured manner. I think over-preparation can be bad too, as stressing too many points in a single speech can make it too complex, which won’t be fun to listen to. It’s the same with so many things in life. When we try to accomplish too much at the same time, we’re unlikely to accomplish much.

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Lee Lin Wang: Public speaking is scary but it is a platform to share powerful message. The few times i took the stage, my heart was racing crazy but i stayed and each time it got better. The recent one, caught in surprise with only 5 mins to get ready. I still said yes and I changed my approach. Instead of thinking about ‘me’, i think about ‘them’ . What can i do to serve them better? It was an amzing moment. It was no longer about me doing well? It was about what do i need to do next to make sure i get the message across strong and steady. When i played back the video of my speech, of course i saw many faults and improvements to make. But i also saw my smile and heard my gentle soft strong tone delivering my message. That was a huge improvement for me and yes, scary as it is, i will still take the speaking opportunity presented to me.🙇‍♀️

Agatha Tan: With the salutation to a long list of dignitaries and honourable guest as opening, some minds will wonder when you deliver your contents. Short personal storytelling may bring more impact and close with our message we want them to take home. Better to get doing something one thing at a time than over-prepared and never get down to do a single thing.

Frankie David Chieng: Be prepared is Scout sacred motto for serving. Over prepared is a long winded unnecessary servings. Do your part up to the expectations as appointed. Do not over stay your welcome. For the unprivileged you can give as much as you can and more than you can when you’re most welcome. Life is like that. Know your audience don’t give too much but sometimes as much as you can. Happy Thursday TSCH and buddies.

 

14 Sept 2018

SURFING AT WORK, WITHIN BOUNDARIES: Their time cards might show they’re putting in a full day, but I’m sure most employees aren’t devoting all their working hours to their job. I know many employees do banking, pay bills, visit shopping sites, chat on Facebook and perform other online stuff in the office. The productivity loss apart, employers have reasons to be concerned about network security, as staff can easily download viruses and malware from social media websites. But I for one isn’t about to ban or closely monitor the use of the internet, as I believe there’re benefits in allowing social media at work, as long as there’s no gross abuse of the privilege. If it results in happier employees, it means they’ll be willing to give more in return. I know there’re people who’re actually more productive if they take short frequent breaks to refresh their minds. Social media is after all a part of daily life. Do you think allowing web surfing at work is beneficial or is it a big distraction?

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Wong Choon Lan: Web surfing at work served a good purpose if the employees used it wisely to look for the latest informations regarding their jobs. During the lunch time or when there is less work, allowed the staffs to visit the pages which they are interested ( Tan Sri’s page for example) or entertainment zone, will help them to refresh their minds and maybe get some new ideas from there which might be useful in their work.
But if the employees surf at work to the extent of neglecting their work, the employers should do something to stop them from overdo it.
Again it depends on the nature of the jobs. If the employees’ jobs need to look at the computer all the time, employers have no reason to stop them from surfing at work.
Many of the employees in this platform have definitely violated the web surfing rules in the office. So Tan Sri, can you help them to explain to their bosses why? 😁Have a wonderful day Tan Sri and all my amazing friends herein.😍

Jeffrey Kolee: I think surfing at work is quite common now with faster internet and the proliferation of varieties of apps technology. Even in the banking industry where they do not let you use the workstation to surf certain sites or personal devices to access the network due to obvious security reasons, but that doesn’t stop them from using their smartphones with personal 4G data mobile network to surf whatever they want.
The question whether they will abuse the privilege or not will depend on the work ethic of the individual and also the company culture. A person with strong responsibility will always complete the task at hand first before they will use the time to surf for personal stuff. My shipping side has this one lady executive that are quite fond of Taobao and will always do online shopping there. But whenever there are urgent shipments or complicated task that need to be sorted out. She will throw her 120% into her work and also sometimes will eat in the office just to complete all her tasks so that there will not be any backlogs. That to me, is a very strong sense of responsibility that you can find in an employee and there are no issues at all for them to access FB or any social media at all as long it’s legal.
Sometimes the onus is also on the management and the direct supervisors. Management need to be able to keep tabs on the total progress toward the company’s goal or objective and the direct supervisors need to be able to delegate tasks to employees fairly and objectively. And as long as they completed those tasks responsibly and progress steadily towards company goal in total. I see no problem for employees to take some breaks to surf the net.
As for productivity, there is this company in New Zealand (Perpetual Guardian) that did a trial for 4 days work week and it went so well that they are keeping it because productivity never decreases.
In my opinion, people will only take advantage or abuse the privilege when employers treat them like robots and not human adults. Abuse of privilege can come both ways, one shouldn’t always see it as coming from the employees’ side only.

Karen Lee: I do allow surfing and doing personal little online banking, listening to music as long as the activity does not interfere with others. However we do random checks on data usage, if unusually high usage spotted , will get HR manager to talk to the person.

 

15 Sept 2018

WE CAN’T BE INDIFFERENT ANYMORE: He was on the task force that was disbanded by ex PM DS Najib Razak as it was closing in on the main culprits of the 1MDB scandal. Tan Sri Abu Kassim Mohd resigned as anti-graft agency MACC chief, and was subsequently sidelined. Even then, my education group sought him to give talks on integrity & transparency, to students and faculties. He’s now back in action with a vengeance, heading a new gov’t agency that monitors integrity and anti-corruption matters. He is one of the few who knows exactly what happened during those final days leading to the sacking of then DPM TS Muyhiddin and AG TS Ghani Patail. Corruption is a curse that has afflicted our country in many sectors and walks of life, and we need more upright men like TS Kassim to stand up against corrupt leaders and lawmakers. Continued indifference on our part will only provide a breeding ground for corruption to grow.

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Wong Kimchoon: What is corruption? A child is offered a sweet to get him to stop crying. Is the mother guilty of corruption? It’s mooted in human nature as a form of adjustment to basic human needs for self preservation. Temptations to enhance gratification, to shortcut success, to inflate feelings of superiority and other survival needs are in all human beings. But opportunities may not be eqully assessible to all. Just like jumping traffic light or any other offence, tendencies are alwzys there. That’s why laws and enforcement and educatiin (religious, parental and teachers guidance) are needed to inculcate positive values to minimize such tendencies. Punishment is after the effect znd works on only those found guilty. But we’re dealing with a society whose still hzve the potency to fall into it when situations/ temptations present themsekves. Not tested. Education, guidance, mentoring is the source. Herein kies the use of social media to educate, promote etc to begin the process. Deal with human tendencies, curb with supervision. A new era like Japan’s culture will evolve. God bless us all.

Michael Stanley: Very true Tan Sri. He could be one of the few last Mohicans left in the government who could work with integrity. I still remember his face expression which were full of dissatisfaction and frustration during Najib’s time. His heart was not synced with what he said. He could have been forced, threatened and embarrassed but the truth will always prevail. It may take a bit of time but if you are patient, you will win. Congrats to Tan Sri Abu Kassim. Congrats to Tan Sri Clement for standing for the truth and invited him for the talk. There are many universities which are going after fake publicity, ranking and recognition. For me the best recognition comes in when you invite such a man and stand against the odds to prevail the truth to your students. SEGi University has triumphed and will be well recognised for its faith to defend the helpless and stand for their rights to fight corruption. This is what we need from a University. Congrats Tan Sri Clement. I really hope that the public Universities could be as courageous and faithful to their students like SEGi University. I hope the Minister of Education reads what I have commented here. Give due liberty to your universities to progress without interference.

Philip Lim: There are the big sharks at the top level who go for the millions and the ‘ikan bilis’ on the ground level who go for ‘duit kopi’ and ‘duit rokok’. We are so used to pay for something to ‘kao dim’.

The enforcement agency must work hard to ‘kao dim’ both the receivers and givers, not just the ikan bilis but also the big sharks. We are seeing that happening now under the new Malaysia.

 

16 Sept 2018

SERIOUSLY, DON’T COMPLAIN PUBLICLY: We may think we’re the happiest person in the world, but that doesn’t stop us from complaining about things and people sometimes. Yes, discussing something that’s bothering us with a close friend or colleague is perfectly normal and should be encouraged. But spewing your feelings to all and sundry, including on social media? I think it’s rarely helpful, and oftentimes, people will wish misfortune on you rather than offer their sympathies. Everyone has problems, and complaining is the easiest “action” to take. But people will start to avoid you when you’re constantly an emotional train wreck in public. When we hang out with peers who’re always griping about their health, families or work, we’ll feel drained afterwards. I dislike being in the company of those with negative attitudes and thoughts, regardless of our ties and their status. Complainers would do better if they stop whining and moaning, and focus on finding solutions.

 

Selected followers’ comments:

Ong Shuh Chien: I agree absolutely that it’s best to avoid or distract people whose hobby is nothing else except endless complaints.
If I happen to be in the company of such negative people, I would either find excuses to leave or divert our topic of conversation to something else. Otherwise they would go on and on and really ruin your mood.
I find the act of complaining about whatever is futile though it may be an outlet to release the pent up frustration. However unless a solution can be found, we shall still be stuck in the sticky situations that we are in.
In life, we all will face problems or challenges every now and then. To me all these are precious lessons for us to learn to overcome and gain wisdom as we progress in life. Have a beautiful Sunday, my friends. 😁

Teh Lawrence: Man at most times is in a state of displeasure with one thing or another. Anyone who does not conform to his standard is a misfit and must publicly be crucified. And then like the typhoons and hurricanes gather strength and in the name of race, religion, gender tries to condemn others as misfits in the company or society.
Let’s decline to ride such a wagon . Choose to talk in private with a heart to resolve the issues as fair as it can be.

Andrew Chan: Tan Sri, has known a capable lady who seems not being able to let go of her hurts inflicted decades ago by her hubby ; she would post this on her walls on almost every week. She got many admirers n sympathisers at first but after months, the admiration turns to likewarm responses ; bet they are sick n tired of hearing the same babblings. Some even called her a man hater ! Folks, we all get hurt some time or other but we move on to achieve whatever we want in life. ” Washing dirty linens regarding family members is a big NO. To err is human n to forgive n forget is divine. ” – in doing so, we are at peace with ourselves.

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